So why this sudden change on life? Well over Mother's Day Weekend I spent about 3 days out at my parents home in the country, not really where I wanted to be but unfortunately I was having major panic attacks that had completely put a halt on life. I was burned out. My husband had taken me to the doctor and they put me on an antidepressent and trazadone to help me sleep. The conclusion of the visit was basically "Let's throw some drugs at you and see if that works". In my mind though I knew that the way that I handle my life is the reason for my anxiety. So my options are to be drugged up and numb or change the way I process my life. I have decided to change how I process my life. I don't have it all figured out yet, it's going to be a process but I am willing to give it the best shot that I can, I owe it to myself and my family who rely on me. So these are the changes I have made thus far. I workout every morning whether I want to or not (except Sundays). Before I didn't even try, I have three kids, no gym membership, no in home workout equipment, no babysitter (no money for any of these) and it seemed impossible. Now I have a double jogger that I load up the youngest kids 5 and 2, while my daughter who is 8 rides her bike. I also attach the leash for our big puppy Kodi (lab/chow mix) and he comes too because he has major energy that needs to be burned otherwise he adds to the stress by barking, chewing the siding off the house, digging holes etc. I have worked up to 2.5 miles and most recently 4 miles on Sunday. This is quit the task but I have NEVER done anything like this before in my whole life and I feel really proud to be whooping my own butt! I also have simplified my home, cleaned and organized everything and everywhere, it makes me feel really good not to have the clutter looming around :) I only take phone calls if it is not chaotic and if I am on the phone and it becomes chaotic I call the person later, it's not worth the drama because my kids try to get away with EVERYTHING they are not to do while I'm on the phone. I've cut back on friendships that are more like a dump truck backing up to lay on a pile of manure. I definately don't mind the occassional venting session but for those friends that only vent I just don't have the emotional energy, I wear their issues like one of those magnetic aprons at the dentists office and after awhile it gets HEAVY. So I am setting healthy boundaries there. Also, I have stopped trying to do all errands with my kids, it's torture for ALL of us. So, if it's a quick trip then we do it, if it's not then I wait until my hubby comes home. I didn't realize what a stress this was until I cut it out and WOW it really does make a difference. So those are the things that I can think of right now, there are still other changes but I think I'll save that for the next post :)
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